My Aversion. . .

I continue with my aversion,
For everything including making decisions.

I walk with so many I walk alone,
I walk in time and with a friend who is never gone.

I continue sometimes in disbelief,
To challenge the world and what it all means.

I look at the brightly lit night, as I walk beside you,
Hope there are some things that will get through.

I translate my feelings to make it honest this time,
To make it as close as I could get to feelings that are mine.

I type the questions ,I pause before I press send,
Thinking too much about what it all meant.

No I am not weary, I am not foolish or carried away with time,
I only claim that which I feel will grow onto me to be fine.

Don't ask me what I looking for, I view the question in disbelief,
I try to save the best of me in moments that I try to retrieve.

I download my day, I forward my life,
I paste it on a white board & share it with people to like.

I don't know if the words reaches through to you, why I even write,
Why I am obsessed with explaining myself, the reason I even contrive

And forever thus though the night maybe young, but I too old to disbelief,
That which I have grown & learned from, that which I know defines me.

I am happy this way, knowing that there no reason behind it today,
The weirdest part of this moment, is that I hope to keep it just this way.

I construe, I conspire I complain about life to myself,
I keep looking for the only road that I believe time will show & things will tell.

In beauty that I see, the ones we can appreciate,
Not the one that merely reaches your eyes but one that I hope to replicate.

In so many ways I tell myself I am not conflicted enough,
For everything that may happen tonight, but dear life I will never give up.

Two of a Kind

I think of a day that was ours, and we were two of a kind,
When everything I had was close to me, and closer still were things I called "mine".

I think of the two of us, knowing how it all began,
How I could hear a song sometimes, even though it was silence that we had.

Two of a kind were our hands that held you forever so close,
And every time we could be ourselves, it was something we never chose.

I kept hoping for more, not knowing my feelings would only grow,
And yet there are some things you wish are always clear, things you would never show.

Two of a kind were the moments I had in waiting, in anticipation,
Hoping to find a meaning some days, maybe just to define this relation.

We were called upon by many, we were truly two of a kind some days,
And  some would often ask me why we fell apart, why we went our separate ways.

I would tell myself of lost times, of the smiles we shared most days,
The warm hugs and comfort that we could share, kept aside some way.

Two of a kind were our hopes, our gifts & all the little things we did for each other,
The things that were lost in time, some things that for now we will never bother.

I would listen to you, as you would listen to my complains throughout the night,
And yet all that I could find, the reasons I wanted to know you more, more than the reasons to fight.

I kept thinking of an indifferent day, the day we could be quiet, just the two of us,
And everything that was left behind, seemed to have but only begun.

Two of a kind were my challenges, why knowing you more; could never be complete,
Why I still think of the things I realize what we could wish to have and yet could not receive.

When we were waiting by your home, I smiled for reasons I will never know,
Some of the reasons I lived by all this time and some that I will never show.

Some will ask me, do you look back? do you think of everything you have left behind?
I tell them the same thing I keep telling myself, our time had come, but for me we will
                                                                                                                  always be "Two of a kind"

You spoke to me in a dream tonight

You spoke to me in a dream tonight,
It felt so close and yet so far away, lost when I opened my eyes

And yet I could feel your breath, you felt so real to me
Like a moment in time that was meant to be timed in eternity.

You spoke to me from a distance, not knowing what I spoke back,
Not knowing if I will remember, my words fade that which my recollections lack.

You spoke to me like a friend who was never lost back in time,
And yet I can't seem to shake what we had left far behind.

It came to me like a walk, like a conversation we never had,
Before we went separate ways, the reasons we could never look back.

I think of times that were left behind, why we never asked "why" instead,
Why we never chose to whisper , like a fight we would never pick up again.

You spoke to me like nothing happened, like everything was just fine,
As we stood there painting memories in our head, like the moment endless in time.

I spoke to you about who we were, before we forgot ourselves,
Before everyone who knew us remained behind in memories that we dwell.

You smiled as though we knew things have moved on, and we could start a new,
Like a friendship we never lost, just a phase we knew we could get through.

You came to me in a dream as the sun set and as we spoke till the night was by my side,
As I kept hoping things were just that real, when I would finally open I eyes.

You spoke to me in a dream tonight, if only I could remember what,
How it made sense somehow then and now it seems like things have moved along.

I live in dreams tonight, I had the conversation I never got a chance to have,
Knowing it all meant something, things I wish real life would have said instead.

You spoke to me in a dream tonight with words I can no longer remember
If I only knew things were different now, somehow it was real, it mattered.

I know I can't reach back to you, I can never have the same dream again,
I keep hoping I got my answers tonight, and if not I hope you find the one's you were looking for instead.