When no one listen's to silent complains...

When no one's listening to silent complains,

We find happiness in telling ourselves, we live in our own world.

Buried in our own remains.

When no one changes; what we call fate tonight,

The destiny we could all change, the one for which we didn’t fight.

It doesn’t matter what the decision matters tonight, just that there is one for me to make,

It doesn’t matter if we are not willing to change, it doesn’t matter what decisions we take

Scared of the changes, the identity we call ourselves own, the world we call ours so close,

The reality we never wanted to face and the changes that we simply didn’t choose.

Chances that what’s wrong can’t be made right again, and neither right made whole again,

Chances are that, our being “ourselves” and living the life we find insane.

Looking for directions we are too scared to ask, truths we often forget to tell,

When the time comes, we seem to think we are unheard even if we yell

I can look for a distant echo in my heart, the resonating sound I seem to hum always, the feeling that I know is so mine,

Where home is but home again, and the days are always different like the evening sunset or the morning sunrise

I reason my choices, the ‘me” and the world I call my own this day,

And every path I haven’t travelled, everywhere I haven’t looked, knowing it would end someday.

Why is it luck, why is it realization to have faith one last time, every time we choose to give up, so many a times?

Why is it; true friendship, true humanity and the things that truly mattered are harder to tell ourselves,

“you are not mine”?

 I play my song today on the piano, on the guitar, the violin and everything that has been a chord,

When my word simply seems to be making sense, and in my insanity I lay discord.

From the present to yesterday..

Dear Yesterday,

It has been a long time we have been in touch. So much so, that sometimes I can’t seem to remember your face. It’s a bit blurry for me. I guess my memory seems to be fading away and I can only remember you vaguely in some moments I cannot forget and some things that I can’t seem to let go.

I am writing you this letter to tell you that things have changed for me and for everyone around me. I am no longer tied to people and the time I used to spend listening to changes in other people’s life is now spent on changing my own. For some reason I am busy with my life, and for some stranger reason I have accepted this reason. I look at the sun go down from the clear glass in my office and the sun which comes up only after my alarm wakes me up. I keep looking at my cell phone still, but not when I am lonely, I have learned to keep myself busy. I check my mail every day, more than once a day, but I don’t seem to write back to my friends. I tell myself they are my friends and they will understand, but I do forward occasional mails sometimes to let them know I am still here. I have learned to eat alone and go to sleep alone; I don’t call it loneliness anymore simply a lifestyle now. I tell myself I am happy, I am supposed to be, because I seem well adjusted.

Yesterday, I find you in photographs that I have to see, to remind me of you, writings I have to read to tell me how you were and things I have to say to tell me you are still there in my past. I have become everything that I wanted to be in the future and yet lost everything I wanted in my present. I have become conscious of my thoughts, I don’t share them with people anymore and neither do I write them down. I don’t seem to have time for reconciliations and facing the things that mean something to me, I simply tell others we can talk about it later. I don’t trust them, like in yesterday I will find people who would want to know me for a reason, so I question everyone’s motives; including my own. I found a different reason to keep myself bottled up, to keep my phone; password protected and my life secret even from my best friends. I tell myself, what if they know too much about my life? I need a sense of privacy to assure me I am a lot of myself and a little to other people who influence me, the same influence that I used to call sharing and caring and advice. I am confused sometimes, because of the changes I see around myself and the reason I don’t want to change.

Dear yesterday, how I wish I could show you the present day, and tell you that I have been trying to let you go and yet again tell you that you are special to me. I look for a different tomorrow every day and yet I can’t seem to forget that yesterday. But I owe a lot to you and I wish I could look back and draw more things from you. But then I always know you have changed my present and will always impact my future. Tonight I may not look back anymore, but somewhere somehow I want to believe that in my relationships, in my lost time and decisions I will always find you.

Love,

The Present

In tonight..

In photo frames and paintings that fill the wall of my home,

I look for lost memories in my heart, the place that I call my own

In helpings hands and healing touch that I seem to be lend so many a times,

I wonder if I ever found the warmth, the feel the touch, simply one; that went out to mine.

This night when it all seems to faint, so vague in the thoughts that surround tonight,

I find it hard to figure things out, things that have been long gone; from my sight,

I say things will never change, if we don’t want them to, I believe we can try

Sometimes in fate, in luck or destiny I know I can’t hold on to things; that are mine.

I believe in logic, in questions I find a different world, in reason that I often comply,

Then why don’t I learn to let go, even without my friend by my side,

I believe in faith, in the truth that I paint on this canvas I touch tonight,

For everything that’s both coloured and grey and all that for which I had put up a fight

In tonight I believe in magic, in luck in chances, if they can flip my pages back,

I wish to move on, to find the real you and me, and the things that we lack

In great simplicity I write my words, I choose the meaning from my heart,

I keep looking for a way into our lives, and the race that ended before it could start

I find love, in the unexpected planes, in hopes and dreams that seems so real, so true,

O plight, I find in the real world, where I am still here, but with everything, and everything but “ you”