My reality sublime. .

I sleep in my warm blanket in this cold winter night,

Watching life change and alter in front of my eyes.

I wrap myself in a peaceful belief,

As I put my heart to rest and put my mind to sleep.

I know there are no explanations; I don't need one too,

Just that my thoughts will always reach out to you.

In my dreams I build my real world tonight,

Because nothing makes sense as I lose your sight.

A long road ahead; at the end of the day,

I am hoping I will be "me"; I'll be different some way.

I look for corners that aren’t stuffy in my heart,

Places I would run to when I didn’t know how to start.

In simple writings I would express my soul,

I would give up on something beautiful, give up on it all

And yet everyday when I make the move ahead in time,

I fail to recognize that you, so close so mine

In frail heartbeats and secrets, let the reasons be there,

Let the reason tell the truth, the truth so sincere

I may not live a life of my own, I may be indifferent at last

But I know I simply gave up on something, but my feelings today I could not cast

In tomorrow when you find me, a friend, a guide, in memories so close

Let me be back to a happy you, let me return to what I chose.

And if the handwritings and photographs could not say a word,

Let me say the first one, as you let me move on, as you let me move forward

Some say distances speak of a heart’s desire, often of things that are never mine,

And yet we write of more sunsets than sunshine, as I look for my reality sublime.

Feels like. . .

Feels like a jolt of lightning passing right through my heart,

Feels likes a fresh morning, and one of life’s kick start.

Feels like evening when the sun sets tonight but the day knows no end,

I look at the glaring sun, on the horizon as though waiting for a friend.

Feels like destiny, feels like the future so changed,

Feels like everything that’s gone, and yet the feeling remains.

Feels like the last fight, like changes and amends that mattered yesterday,

But where do I keep them locked up, where do I find no dismay.

Feels like joining hands once again, sitting down to pray with your heart,

Like a distant wish we get to make, a wish which we don’t know what to ask.

Feels like a faint breath, before a warm handshake, before a hug to comfort me by,

I know I have always been indifferent, just never wished I would try.

Feels like faith so changed, feels like lost time again,

How I wish I could get back at life, with everything that isn’t mundane.

Feels like seasons, like days, like moments in time,

Feels like a different role to play, when I know I did my part, all that was mine.

Feels like many smiles, and warm memories I forever live by,

I will tell you tonight that in my writing you will find me, if you find time just try.

Feels like an advice, a big help, a big change that forever changes life,

I know I felt different, but for a fighting chance I forever will, strive.

Let me just keep the hope, the smile tonight,

No questions asked, no explanations and no worries for a while.

Feels like the leaf, which forever falls so close and yet so far from the tree,

Whether it is a touch, or simply the wind that breaks my fall & leaves me as “me”

For ever be...

So close that my breath feels so faint,

So true to my heart, that my memory seems taint.

So special a touch tonight, that forever changed the day,

So complete it feels tonight as I look for words to say.

Silent footsteps how I wish I would never hear,

Sum feelings I know are right & those that I have to bear.

I find you on a shallow beach, on a mountain far away,

Watching the sun go down, the day change every day.

The feeling that's some things exist & yet r never meant to be,

The honest truth that I cannot touch, the reality I can see.

We have broken promises & made amends every single day,

And yet we seem to be falling apart in every way.

They tell us truth is about what the world means,

I find simply a meaning that lies but unseen.

If words could forever hold, and songs could for ever play,

How I wish I could live my life, all but once with no dismay.

And the silence in my head, that forever rings aloud,

I can live with many things, with just a wishful sound

I believe in being you, in being the best that I can be,

I will always look for an explanation, whether or not, you want one from me.

We remain.....

I write today with my heart's delight,

I may not have won but I know I put up a fight.

I write today with expressions so strong,

And meaning to my words that seem lost all along.

Everywhere tonight I find u both in shadows and in the light,

Trying to be different, and yet the same by my side.

Every choice I make today, seems a distant truth that changed,

And every time I try I know I am only making amends

It may not be a feeling, just a memory I can’t seem to forget,

Or simply an understanding that in time I fairly regret.

I may not take a chance, make a difference anymore,

I comfort myself in telling, I was with you for all the walks down the shore.

In the yesterday and the tomorrow, that for ever liese unseen,

I can nevr blame the times that have been true and those that have not been,

 If I could write poems, so simple & sings songs that made sense,

I wish I knew if I could make bigger differences and our lives we could change

If I could tell you something tonight, in the hope you’ll understand,

I would tell you it was warm inside, when I simply held your hand.

Truth is how I hold my memories so close, so deep,

A distant journey and my life unseen.

For you to be a part, to be a difference somehow,

I changed in every way, knowing if things did matter, it matters now.

For this to be a different day to be a better choice tonight,

I look for only a different hope, & to know in my heart I tried.

I may find it harder to be indifferent, harder to change,

But tonight in some pages of my life still, our memory remains.

"we" remain.

When no one listen's to silent complains...

When no one's listening to silent complains,

We find happiness in telling ourselves, we live in our own world.

Buried in our own remains.

When no one changes; what we call fate tonight,

The destiny we could all change, the one for which we didn’t fight.

It doesn’t matter what the decision matters tonight, just that there is one for me to make,

It doesn’t matter if we are not willing to change, it doesn’t matter what decisions we take

Scared of the changes, the identity we call ourselves own, the world we call ours so close,

The reality we never wanted to face and the changes that we simply didn’t choose.

Chances that what’s wrong can’t be made right again, and neither right made whole again,

Chances are that, our being “ourselves” and living the life we find insane.

Looking for directions we are too scared to ask, truths we often forget to tell,

When the time comes, we seem to think we are unheard even if we yell

I can look for a distant echo in my heart, the resonating sound I seem to hum always, the feeling that I know is so mine,

Where home is but home again, and the days are always different like the evening sunset or the morning sunrise

I reason my choices, the ‘me” and the world I call my own this day,

And every path I haven’t travelled, everywhere I haven’t looked, knowing it would end someday.

Why is it luck, why is it realization to have faith one last time, every time we choose to give up, so many a times?

Why is it; true friendship, true humanity and the things that truly mattered are harder to tell ourselves,

“you are not mine”?

 I play my song today on the piano, on the guitar, the violin and everything that has been a chord,

When my word simply seems to be making sense, and in my insanity I lay discord.